After the pain in my little pinky-toe subsided somewhat from kicking my kayak, I apologized to it, picked it up a 6th time and put her back into loading position with a prayer that she wouldn’t slide to the ground again instead of into the racks attached to the roof rack on top of my Jeep. I was determined to learn how to load it by myself, without any help. I come from a loooooong line of stubborn women my Grandma used to say.

About this time last year I was hiking at one of my favorite places to hike… Eisenhower State Park. I had asked Doug the previous week to file the divorce papers but I couldn’t stop thinking about him. The voice from my C25k app said “begin running” but I started hyperventilating and more in confusion than the inability to run when you can’t breathe, I stopped. I felt so surreal, like the emotions weren’t even mine. Not wanting any hikers to be alarmed if they were to come upon a hysterical crying woman, I took a hard right down a creek bed and found a big fallen tree to lie down on as if it would help me interpret these feelings. I had been so sure divorce was necessary, but now I wasn’t so sure. I don’t know how long I laid there until I felt I could get back to my Jeep without losing it again. All I knew to do was to call my husband. And despite all the times I’ve kicked him, he still always answered my calls.

I HAVE to be doing this wrong, I thought as I stared at my kayak lying on the ground. There has to be a way. YouTube! And of course there is a tutorial on loading a kayak by yourself.  And a very simple solution! I rounded up my Dollar Store rugs I use for camping, laid them on the back of my Jeep and went at it again. 6th time’s a charm! Go me! That’s probably about how many times Doug wanted to kick me to the curb, but last year was the first time he ever told me to go.

“What do we do,” Doug asked while hugging me, still trying to catch my breath after my hyperventilating hike.

“I don’t know, but we have to find a way to make it work,” I said.


Click here to find out our solution to can’t live with him/her, can’t live without him/her. Maybe I should turn it into a YouTube tutorial.



Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *